2006 coming…

i was listening to this song 幸福车站 by Ocean..
then i look at my calendar…
christmas just passed and new year is coming..
soon chinese new year will come..
i’m wondering what i wanna wear on the first day of chinese new year, then thought of our reunion dinner..
then i thought of last year.. where we drank till our face red red.. or at least one of the days…
missed my goddad…

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crappy updates continued…

ok! i’m back from my lunch!
went to see some accessories just now and WOW.. *blur* there’s so many until i see until @@ and in the end never bought any..

anyway.. where was i…
oh yes! the genting trip. well. i’m done with that.

next! christmas presents! this coming sunday will be CHRISTMAS!!! christmas christmas christmas!! well… i haven’t had much on. only going for the usual christmas lunch with my family. BIG family.

then before that, work was GREAT! hahahhah. guessed what?? i got another pay increment!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!
hahahahaha, happy happy ne! of course happy lah! wasn’t what i was expecting some more!

what else… koon soon got rom liao. then daniel going to be a father. sl.. not as good though..

and the best thing of all, tivela has started digging!!!!

here’s one of the picture i took this morning – 21st of december 2005.
well.. maybe NOT digging yet, but at least it started work…

hm…. wonder when will it be ready.

anyway… just had a talk with my mum last night and.. sigh… next year… i’ve got already 3 known wedding dinner. gosh.. that simply just means money fly away.. kekeke oh well… nothing i can do.

siyan tried her gown liao, haven’t really pick yet lah. not bad. not bad. hopefully next monday she can choose her final dream wedding gown. heehee

oh ya! almost forgot!! i finally saw derrick’s gf! and now i’m waiting to see if i can see cc’s bf! hahahahah =P i’m so KPO. oh well.. what to do… need some entertainment after all this piles and piles of work.

kekekekeke
ok lah.. i’m back to rotting first before another pile of work comes in. jya!

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crappy updates

december liao!

well.. when was the last time i wrote… hm… 29 november
kekekeke
anyway..

i’m happy because i just came back from my genting trip 2 days ago and it was fun! kekeke.. never shop a lot ‘cos there wasn’t enough time. most of the time were spent in casino… which… i did win in jackpot and the roulette. but maybe not so much luck in… whats that… keno? but… was kinda smoky inside. and ya! met one stupid uncle who kept asking me n tao to lend him our phone. stupid uncle! made me scold him before he decided to leave. don’t even know if he got any bad intentions or not!!! anyway, never go to the theme park ‘cos it kept drizzling and tyra was there, so didn’t go. went bowling though. wasn’t able to watch king kong there ‘cos most of the seats were booked!!! (never mind, i’m going to watch this coming saturday on christmas eve!)

and… i’m going for lunch now! will be back for more! gonna go queensway shopping centre to eat MAC and celebrate my colleague’s passing of advance driving theory!

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2006… new year resolution!!!

yeah!! its the time of the year to make new year resolutions and TRY hard not to break it after that!!!
wahahhaha

well.. at least i managed to keep one resolution!
SLIM DOWN!! which i did!!! (applause for myself)
lose 6kg in 2 years… gosh.. that was a torture, anyway, i’m so glad i’m back to my normal size again!
wahahahha

so now, i’ll try to keep my resolutions for 2006 again!
and hope i can achieve ALL of it!
wahahhahah
woho!~

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sick of job.. at times

life’s fine. family’s fine. bf’s fine. i’m fine. but my work not fine.

today.. or to be more correct, these few weeks. i’m getting quite sian with the work. not exactly with the work i’m doing. more of… with the whole system. how my company function.

when i first went in, i’m under one person – sl. then subsequently, another guy yf asked me to do things. well, of course i’m ok. learning new things, i’m quite glad to. then after that, they asked me to go do .net, or maybe, i volunteered in a way. anyway.. i’m doing all these things, when another guy hs, start to ask me to do things also. well.. i’m ok, since its within my job scope. so i kept doing these.. till suddenly i’m being asked to go do some new things. which i find it weird but nonetheless, i’m keen on it. and then tada! as suddenly as it comes, right now, i’m not doing the .net, neither am i doing the new thing (which i dun really know what it is yet).

i dunno… sometimes just felt like i’m stuck in a shit hole.
ha!
goodness… sian manz… i think i’m having post-pms.

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people just don’t change… i guessed…

1 year.. 7 months..
he changed..
and he changed again.. back again.. i guessed..
well.. people don’t just changed so easily.. thats what i deduced..
for a period, he’s really gentle and patient with me.
well… what to do.. i’m kinda blur.. to a certain extend.
and we talked in frequency, so all the more, we have some problems in communication..
but..
for quite a while, he’s really quite patient with me..
slowly explaining to me what to do, not with the “bu nai fan” kinda tone..
now…
it seems like.. i asked him to go and sleep is wrong.
i kept him up is also wrong..
gosh.. tell me what to do and what ought not to do..
i’m really confused.
confused.

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lonely nights….

its just… ONE week…
sigh.. and i can feel so much difference…
gosh…
the week seems so long…
so difficult to pass…
i sat in front of my pc.. its only 11.15pm..
gosh…
i think for this whole week.. i hardly had the chance to really talk to him..
he always seem so tired…
where got energy to talk..
ya i know.. i can understand how tiring it is to work.. after all..
i worked for a year liao..
but then.. its not SOOO bad right?….
i mean.. i used to still able to tong and talk to him till 12+ lor…
sigh…
then.. i dunno lah…
felt a bit neglected… not during office hours, definitely..
that one i can really understand…
but then its the after get home ones…
i stopped hearing those lovey dovey words….
all i’m hearing are heavy breathings.. complaints… work-related stuffs..
sigh…
made me feel so tired also…
tomorrow we celebrating out 1 year and seven months anniversary…
i just hope his tiredness doesn’t spoil anything..
he’s bringing all his tiredness into this relationship..
gosh..

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s.u.f.f.o.c.a.t.i.o.n

what have i done? or not done? i really dunno… what’s the problem? why aren’t we communicating? why is it that you always can’t seem to grasp what i’m trying to say?? or is there really something wrong with my language? the words i used? and why do i always do things that seems to make you so unhappy? why why why???

my mind’s messed up. i looked at you, i dunno what i can or can’t do. for everything that i do, it just seems to be wrong. and what’s worse? you dare not even speak your mind? when has that start to happen? hasn’t i always been saying “got anything just tell me”, or is that too difficult to understand? do i bite? or do i kill? no.. probably i’ll just bite ya arms off and let you suffer. i’m just too scary.. ain’t i…. a monster in disguise.

i’m burn out.. almost… i really am, i can feel it. at this point. i am BURNed out. why do i always feel that i need to fend everything on my own? i have to be strong. i can’t be weak. i can’t collapse even when i’m dying. why do i always have to look bright and cheery even though my day could be so sucky and tiring. why why why???

why does a day only have 24 hours? pity ya parents… why do you have to use the word ‘pity’? goodness.. for goodness sake! do i seem like such an uncaring and heartless person to you?? can’t you just TELL me in a nicer way instead of saying “people also have parents”. you just don’t seem to understand. you just don’t seem to get it. for all the things that i’ve been trying to tell you. for anything that i said, you hold on to it and stick to that and never will that statement that i made ever ever change anymore… why why why???

WHY!

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bose edge pereira barbino filho

ya know whats “bose edge pereira barbino filho”? well.. thats the name of my brazilian colleague – Edge, thats what we all called him. but only till today, then i know his full loooong name.. a very funny guy with a weird interest in asian culture (and probably asian ladies too). kekeke..
well.. anyway, according to him, the name of brazilians are made up in the following way:
dad’s name + kid’s name + mum’s name + “filho” if you are eldest.
so, he said, his friends all called him “Edginho”

wow.. cool and interesting isn’t it?

anyway, me office came 3 new colleagues – Daren, Augustine and WoonHan. And there’ll be more coming. Company expanding now. And there’s a weird smell (smelly feet smell) ever since morning. *puke* i need fresh air…

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today is a sunday

28 august… simon a.k.a. qian qian, my buddy’s birthday today. a year ago, we all attended haslinda’s wedding at eunos. 2 years ago, .. i forgotten what happened. but i know i’m happy. now… i’m still happy, but yet its a different kind of happy + a bit of sadness… or probably.. tiredness.

i just had my dinner at Bliss at punggol park with my whole family, yitao, godma, andrew’s & pi’s family. was nice. really nice to have this such gatherings. drank a bit of liquor, talk cock, played with little tyra. i like this kind of life. never enjoyed it better. the warmth and joy that a family would bring. then just now, at the end of it, was at the car park when little tyra pointed out at ‘nothing’ and ‘EH’ twice. there really was nothing. just ain’t sure why she EH till as if she saw something or someone she knows. just felt that probably its my goddad. ya.. might think i’m a bit foolish but… still miss him lots.

came home. talked to a friend. realised that i really drifted away from my friends. a part of me wanted it that way and am glad, ‘cos i’m spending more time with my family n bf. yet another part of me felt sad… i miss my friends… but yet i can’t be like who i used to be. i’m just sick and tired. i really felt tired… really really tired… so tired i just want to stick to my family, and probably, married and settle down and start a family of my own. at least i don’t feel pressurize among them. i know they’ll definitely love me. i don’t need to really care about my language or sentences that i made. i can be myself. who are the people that really truly knows me? not most of my friends. only a few, close ones…but maybe thats all what i need..

me, tao and sis wanted to go ktv this afternoon. called and wanted to make a reservation and realised its fully booked. went jln kayu for roti prata for lunch and went to play billiard and bowling at seletar country club. then called the quality hotel to book for dinner and realised its all fully booked too… sigh… might be a boliao day, but.. its simple and nice. really nice.

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is it just me? *ponder*

alright.. its been months since I really really really had a lot of things to do. i’m not saying that its not good to lobo at work. its just that, its really a bit too boring isn’t it? especially when all ya friends are so busy and there’s NO ONE to talk to you… *yawn*

gosh.. this is terrible.. sigh

everytime nothing to do.. nothing to do.. then around 5pm+ then *pop* got something to do…
i NEVER understand this.. sigh…

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where’s my wonderland?

still remember the time back in sec 2. 14 years old. so innocent then. used to think that everything was so perfect. everyone is so good. everything and anything will be so nice… and back then, a friend of mine will always tell me “time to wake up from your wonderland and into reality. it isn’t so perfect out there.” well… it had little effect on me back then ‘cos i’m always still dreaming, dreaming of the peace & harmony between people. the joy of life.

well.. things start to change after secondary. when i went to college. things were different. your friends are different. i start to look at some of the friends, whom i thought was my good friends back in secondary. but they are not. think its the environment that changed all of us. i started to not like to hang out with them. found them a bit bitchy, ah lians (in sg terms). found them searching for power, so determine to be better than other people. found only money in their eyes. it was saddening of course. but i didn’t really want to think about it and so… i drift slightly away from them and into another group of friends.

and slowly.. i knew more people. i see more things. my friends get lesser. really trustworthy friends a couple. less happier. more disappointed. to the point where i am now.

it isn’t that bad really. to find yourself at the point where you are. i’m 25 years old. only around 10 years and i’d turned from the ever bubbly and cheerful gal to a less than slightly happy person. truthfully, i’m sick & tired. every now and then, i tried to think that it isn’t THAT bad. but then… the more you grow up, your thoughts changed. probably you start to envy people and don’t like them to earn more than you, look prettier, have a better life than you. probably you start to look towards money and anything and everything is only money. and slowly but surely… you just drift away from ya so-called friends.

i’m tired. really tired. i’m tired of trying to be nice. no, i’m not trying, its in me. but i’m tired of being nice to people. i’m tired of letting myself get bothered so much with all the nonsense that people are creating. i find that most of my friends are just fake fake. they ain’t insincere. what else? isn’t that pathetic enough??

I’VE HAD ENOUGH!

i’m THROUGH with those people. i AIN’T wanna have anything to do with them.
a bunch of stupid idiots who are so self-centered.

at this rate if i continue to talk to them, i think one day, i won’t recognise myself anymore ‘cos probably i’ll flare up at every sentence anyone talks to me.

i just want a simple life.
i rather be alone then mixed with those people.
enough is enough.

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