where’s my wonderland?

still remember the time back in sec 2. 14 years old. so innocent then. used to think that everything was so perfect. everyone is so good. everything and anything will be so nice… and back then, a friend of mine will always tell me “time to wake up from your wonderland and into reality. it isn’t so perfect out there.” well… it had little effect on me back then ‘cos i’m always still dreaming, dreaming of the peace & harmony between people. the joy of life.

well.. things start to change after secondary. when i went to college. things were different. your friends are different. i start to look at some of the friends, whom i thought was my good friends back in secondary. but they are not. think its the environment that changed all of us. i started to not like to hang out with them. found them a bit bitchy, ah lians (in sg terms). found them searching for power, so determine to be better than other people. found only money in their eyes. it was saddening of course. but i didn’t really want to think about it and so… i drift slightly away from them and into another group of friends.

and slowly.. i knew more people. i see more things. my friends get lesser. really trustworthy friends a couple. less happier. more disappointed. to the point where i am now.

it isn’t that bad really. to find yourself at the point where you are. i’m 25 years old. only around 10 years and i’d turned from the ever bubbly and cheerful gal to a less than slightly happy person. truthfully, i’m sick & tired. every now and then, i tried to think that it isn’t THAT bad. but then… the more you grow up, your thoughts changed. probably you start to envy people and don’t like them to earn more than you, look prettier, have a better life than you. probably you start to look towards money and anything and everything is only money. and slowly but surely… you just drift away from ya so-called friends.

i’m tired. really tired. i’m tired of trying to be nice. no, i’m not trying, its in me. but i’m tired of being nice to people. i’m tired of letting myself get bothered so much with all the nonsense that people are creating. i find that most of my friends are just fake fake. they ain’t insincere. what else? isn’t that pathetic enough??


i’m THROUGH with those people. i AIN’T wanna have anything to do with them.
a bunch of stupid idiots who are so self-centered.

at this rate if i continue to talk to them, i think one day, i won’t recognise myself anymore ‘cos probably i’ll flare up at every sentence anyone talks to me.

i just want a simple life.
i rather be alone then mixed with those people.
enough is enough.

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20$ vs friendship

yeah! great! another day spoiled or at least the whole morning gone just by trying to be helpful. ya right.. whats the POINT RIGHT????!!!! i’m just plain dumb trying to be helpful. ya ya ya. the forever so nice, so good tm. *giggled* what a joke! THATS IT! i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REAAAAALLLLLLLY HAD ENOUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i’m so damn pissed off!!!

a week ago, a friend asked me to help and get a present for another friend’s house-warming. fine, why not, i thought since i’m going anyway. then she told me another two friends want to share the presents too. and she said she’ll help me get the money from them. reluctant at first but after that i’m ok with it. thats the problem you see… i expected that probably i wouldn’t be able to get the money back but i’m still ok with it. anyway.. i got the money from 2 friends, left only one. which i told my the other friend my account no. so that she can tell her. and NOT that i don’t wished to contact her myself, but just that at times when i sms her, she just NEVER reply and so i didn’t know if i got the correct number.

and so never mind, one week passed and i never msg anyone or anything till today, which i was doing a rough checked on my cashflow and i was wondering if she (my that friend) transferred the money to my bank yet. so i checked and she hadn’t. and so i sms my friend, who said she will help me to get the money, telling her if she got the time, let that friend know. and then i got the replied “why not you sms her yourself? i feel its easier that way”. ok fine, i wouldn’t mind sms that friend on my own if i got her number right, so i double check with that friend and sms-ed her. which after that i got the replied “are you really that hardup for 20 bucks. do you have to ask xxx to remind me everyday? whats your acct type? savings or current?”

HA! great! and whats next “i tot we are friends and that 20 bucks doesn’t matter. i’ll transfer to you by lunch.”

(1) if you really treated me as friends, you wouldn’t say the things you said in THAT way. hardup? ya right..
(2) its not the money that matters. its a matter of principles.
(3) i wouldn’t have sms her if i weren’t doing my accounts near the end month.

half an hour later….

ok.. thats it.. i’m tired of arguing… just replied her to tell her to just cool if off.. no point arguing over this small things.. after all.. we are still friends, but probably from now on, i REALLY have to watch out for what i’m doing. ha.

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my cute daddy

went marina square today with my family. me & tao took my sister’s car. and my godma & mum took my dad’s car. we were suppose to meet at marina square but then when me & my sis reached and called my dad. apparently, he didn’t park his car at marina square. so i asked him where he parked his car, what’s the shop’s name and then i go and picked him up. so he spelled out to me the name’s shop – S. A. L. E. O.O”’

my mum was laughing in the background, telling him that one means SALE!

~thats all folks~

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How people kill a Cow

was eating my ‘ba cho mee’ just now… and then *ponder* something sharp poke the inside of my mouth. i spitted it out.. and a silvery piece of wire dropped out. those metallic-liked kinda thing that you used to wash your wok… =.=”’

well.. that started the topic for today – by yeefan. how they killed a cow…

step 1: tie the cow onto a tree.
step 2: the malays will start praying.
step 3: they slashed the cow, then they pray. for every slash they cut, they paused and pray… *shock*
step 4: slashed the stomach, and the intestines pour out, together with all the worms that lived inside the cow.
step 5: the cow died.
step 6: served dinner…


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par·a·noi·a (pr-noi)

  1. A psychotic disorder characterized by systematized delusions, especially of persecution or grandeur, in the absence of other personality disorders.
  2. Extreme, irrational distrust of others.

am i suffering from that? its been a while since i’ve had that feeling… the feeling of insecurity. the feeling of tearing everything apart. the fear of losing someone you love. i hate that kinda feeling. i really hate that.

i’m… not normal now, definitely. something is wrong. my thinking. my behaviour. i need help. but who can i look for… i don’t like her. i seriously don’t like her. i hate it even more when i saw her that day. felt like squashing her and give her two tight slaps. stupid girl. tolerated for one whole year… i’ve had enough. better don’t let me see her again. i’ll flare up. i really will. i know i will. one whole year of project with her is enough. its school work, i can’t do anything. don’t EVER let it be work or business.. i’ll really flare up. i mean it. *takes a deep breath*

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i’m back from lunch!

went ikea with my dear for lunch. got 2 ikea vouchers for linda – my secondary school friend’s housewarming tomorrow. ate poached salmon (yes again) and it still tasted so nice. came back and realised that cc said yee also want to share. well… decided to go get robinsons voucher tomorrow and just throw everything together and give to linda! =D

oh ya.. tomorrow, going for my facial. felt my face so not flat. got oil here and there, pimples here and there. anyway, its gonna be free! *giggled* tao’s mum’s signed up for a course and there’s some free ones so she let me used that. kekeke, she’s nice ya know, just a bit lorso thats all. anyway, which auntie isn’t lorso? i’ll probably become lorso in the future too! or maybe i ALREADY am now! wahahahhaha.

mum said need to go temple tomorrow ‘cos i’m supposed to go after i got my job, which is like about a year ago… hm… oh well, probably after my facial tomorrow bah *wink*

just calculate (AGAIN), my money… really sad… never saved anything at all and just pay bills and loans and bills and loans… and its not even half paid! ya.. i look at my salary.. its really PEANUTS! hahaha, mrs Goh really shouldn’t say that kinda words ah. guessed mr Goh asked her to step down in order not to make anymore remarks that might stir up.. hm… who knows.. something… but its true, my salary is really peanuts! someone should really do something! i don’t understand why i always don’t seem to have enough money! got so many things to pay.. sigh.. sad ah.. sad ah… how!!!!!

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the NKF CEO and the board of directors are going to resign from their post after what they did. what did they do? bonus of 10-12 months??!! i’m not envy nor jealous, i’m just looking at the view from a person who donates money to NKF monthly.. NKF.. a charitable organisation, is not funded by the government, at least i don’t think so. so where does the bonus of 10-12 months came from?? US – the people who donates the money. HEY!!! i didn’t donate to give you the bonus lor, and did we, the public who donated those money, agreed that we give you that amount of bonus which can be used to save lives???!! well.. at least this thing is more or less over. ask me to donate to NKF again? nah… not for a long while. i rather donate it to other organisations. anyway, i cancelled my monthly contribution.

OBT – i’m still a bit pissed. i’m a bit slightly off balanced now, i know that, i’m trying to control but its difficult you know. i don’t like her and i just don’t like her. looking at her again just reminded me of her irritating face. and somewhat.. i don’t feel good. the securities i have seems to have lost part of it, probably left half, and that left me feeling rather uneasy…

the layout of the furnitures in the office is gonna changed over the weekend. i DO hope my seats would be a better one this time, and not with my back totally EMPTY. felt like i’m always being ‘watched’. well.. lets see what happens on monday.

monday… cuz dw going back to aust. sigh… won’t be another 4 months before i see her again. meanwhile, will help keep a lookout for the condo thats gonna be build near my future flat =D

what else.. hm… can’t remember.. later then continue. me go and shit first. wahahahhah =P

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