EZ’s Last Day

What should I say? She’s quitting and leaving us… All those people that I can talk to… are not in this office. Why? Any particular reason?

Just had lunch with EZ, YF, HS and LJ… Sigh… Felt like crying… After today, I’ll be all “alone”… *SOB* and I saw a dead 1cm caterpillar on one of the vegetables just now. I’m so totally grossed out. I condemned Uncle Sam’s!

Lonely… But won’t feel it until tomorrow… I went home after that and tried to book the trip for HK. Managed to get the tickets for 4 of us. Leaving for HK on the 31 July at 06:40, then coming back on the 3 August reaching at 23:50. Sis will see how when the time comes.

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I Ate A Rubber Band

Oh no… is anything going to happen? I ate one of the rubber bands for my braces! Didn’t realise it until like half an hour later when I’m shopping with Zhu Zhu at cold storage. Sigh… Hopefully it don’t get digested. Damn… stomach don’t feel too well…

For the whole day, we hardly did anything meaningful but otherwise, yes! We woke up, and as promised, we exercise to the hip hop DVD we bought in KL. It was so funny. The 3 of us – me, Zhu and my sister, were dancing in the living room. You could see my mum kept shaking her head. And then after that, they started the grasshopper concert and was dancing away… One 32, the other 28 and 26… so old already and still dancing until like that… That was what my mum said. And when Godma came, she was laughing and laughing all the way because they were simply so funny. After all this finally ended. Zhu and me made our way to HP to meet JK who didn’t come till much later. Reason: He didn’t know that we are meeting at that place (but the time and venue was suggested by him the day before). Well, we expected that already so doesn’t really matter.

We studied for a while and went home where we took a short nap and after that, WZ woke up and illegally played the XBox. It’s a bit irritating because it was rather late and we are supposed to go and buy things but he ended up playing games. And for the past weeks, he seems so lazy… Sigh… But well, at night, he got “scolded” by me. Not that I want to. He requested it…

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What We Couldn’t Do…

It’s Saturday and I’m going to DL’s wedding tonight… Not meeting Zhu Zhu till after the dinner…

SY and WL came and picked me up at 7pm. Before that I took a nap for a few hours and then prepared for the wedding. Sigh… seems so… difficult to go. I never tell my mum about it. I sat in the car and was on the way there. Irritating JY seems so happy, kept messaging me about the status, like our photo was after his in the montage, the table was beside ours and… he’s here… No… I seriously don’t feel comfortable. I know how he’s like and I know how much he hated me and how much he don’t wished to see me. Because if he really don’t mind, he wouldn’t be sitting where he sat – back facing us… I knew I hurt him a lot, I don’t blame him for doing that, and that’s why I felt guilty, for giving up at the last minute… What else can I do anyway?

Well, let’s talk about the wedding. The first montage was… a bit funny which after that, I realised, it was done by DL. But they got this service where they go around taking pictures of people and they can put messages beside. Me and JY took one since we sitting beside, and those in that tables are mainly couples. And we wrote the message “What we couldn’t do, you could! Love JY & TM” It was quite funny to put that. I asked JY if he’s scare that YT will beat him thats why he put that. *LOL* And the cutest part is, they will print out those pictures in namecards size and give to people! ^^ Oh yes, I got the picture with JY and we are going to scare our parents – me (mum) and him (dad).

Zhu came to fetch me after that. So sweet… sometimes I really felt so fortunate, to have someone who won’t argue with me over who I go out with. Instead, just joke with me. Me? Most of the time I don’t really mind but sometimes I just want to make some noise! *LOL* Irritating huh?

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9.15am *SHOCK*

It felt so nice to wake up, see my Darling changed into his army clothing (who now regretted in not performing well when he was in army and wasted 2 years of his life) and see him out. But the next moment, I woke up and realised it’s already 9.15am! And I’M VERY LATE FOR WORK!

Back at office, at 11am… Hmm… BY asked me to come and work late, so I did. Saved my annual leave, so in a way its good.

So full… I think my tummy is exploding soon. Just came back from lunch at Red Star @ Chin Swee Road. Think my stomach don’t feel that well after eating so much. Plus my eyes are closing now. Damn… I need to work late today. *CRY*

I’m now in the midst of discussing with a user. So scary but it seems rather fun too! I LOVE THIS NEW JOB SCOPE!

I only wanted to talk for another 2 minutes, until 12.30am… is it that difficult…? Sigh… Need to say “I regretted calling you” ah? Sigh… Miss him so much for what? People don’t miss you THAT much. Should have gone out and party. Sigh… I feel so lousy. Can’t even find someone to go for dinner. Now he just tell me that he’s tired and that’s it. I also very tired but just that I whole day hardly talk to him, so now want to talk what. Some more I still don’t feel good about tomorrow. Sigh… Shit.

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Party While You’re Still Alive

I was checking my Yahoo email and I received an email from Ministry of Sound with that title “Party while you’re still alive”. Hmm… seems like its been a while since I last partied. When was that? I think it was the one with Nicole and Pete, and then Zhu came to fetch me. Maybe its a sign? Since the end of world is coming. *LOL* Today I’ll be meeting CT & Gang at Clarke Quay. Looking forward!

Finally the email is ready for use and I don’t have to use the webmail anymore. Won’t be meeting CT they all tonight because Del couldn’t make it. Will go to Zhu’s house to get the KIA letter after work. Just paid my UOB bills of $1743.54. There goes my salary for June. *cough* Which means I’ll be eating grass for the month of July. Don’t ask me how I spend my money. I have NO IDEA. I thought going to PHP will make me earn a few hundreds more but instead, I spent a few hundreds more and now my finance is in a mess. Just read a news on LKY. He mentioned that SG must not fall into the hands of opposition. Well, I’m not exactly FOR PAP but I agreed with what he said. We can’t follow the U.S., not their system. We are too small, too fragile, we need to really control. Yes, people might complain about the increase in this and that but put it this way, we are more or less the few countries that don’t really have big problems. Protest, for what? When you have a stable job, enough to feed the family, everyone is rather happy, would you want to spend time to go and protest? Hmm… Not for me, I’m quite sure. Anyway… That day EY was saying that he read a prophecy which said that the world cannot be lead by people with yellow skin, else it will be the end of the world soon. Yellow skin… hmm… Chinese?

Yeah! My Darling is coming to my house and stay overnight tonight! It’s worth it to dote on him a little and go to his house to take the KIA letter and ate my dinner an hour later! ^^ *dance around*

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Good Girl Gone Bad

I don’t have mood to do anything. Felt so much like dropping everything and just go away. But… I don’t have much savings. I was telling the pig that I only bought 3 coupons because I bought whatever I had left in my bank account. A bit pathetic right? I left 90 bucks inside. Sigh… So in the end, he gave me allowance again. I don’t know why but am I really spending a lot? But looking at how I ate yesterday, I guess so. Lunch, it cost me like $6 + $3.50 = $9.50. Then tea break $1.40 + $1 = $2.40. Dinner is $8. Total = $9.50 + 2.40 + $8 = $19.90. Even at the point when I’m “broke”, I spent like almost $20 for the whole day. Damn it. I think I should cut down on going out with my friends. That day went to NN’s colleague’s daughter birthday. Just like that and $20 gone when I HAVEN’T EVEN EARN THE MONEY. Sigh… I felt really down… I think I need to exercise.

Hmm… Anything that need me to do? Hmm… Just settled some bills with NN. Forgotten a lot already so I just asked her to pass me $50. Have to get it back. I no more money already! Some more still going HK. Have to wait till next week then can book the tickets. Hopefully everything alright. Read the news just now. There seems to be so many tragedy recently. Or am I starting to read the news more, thats why I know a lot? Sigh… Just now, as I settled the things with NN, I realised… ever since I started doing “business” with her, I think I never earn before. Right? I mean… look at my hp bills… I paid every month but I haven’t got any income yet! From goondoos to UNeedCS, from bank loans to tuitions to website now, I haven’t got anything in return yet! Maybe I’m not suitable to do business? Think I’m TOO not motivated already.

Met up with Yuan2 just now. Today is his off day and he’s bored. I was quite bored too (since Darling in camp still). Anyway, he’s getting married next January! Finally!! Another big kid! But glad he’s finally settling down. Else I have no idea what he wants. And I believe this girl really serious about him. Good for him! My baby still in camp now. So pitiful…

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Email Dug Out

I’m so sleepy. Having headaches now. Couldn’t sleep last night so ended up talking to WZ till 2am before I can bring myself to sleep… not so soundly. Anyway… the email “down” again. LS sent an email yesterday asking people to use the webmail but seriously, I don’t think a lot of people really understand the use of THAT email (only they understand), so there goes. I’m stuck. No outlook. Don’t remember that new password. And LS not in the office yet. Damn it.

I am SO full! Just now I bought fish soup bee hoon for lunch. But I thought of eating popiah, so I went to buy 3 because there are like 6 of us. But who knows, one don’t eat, and the rest never eat much also. I think I ate one whole row on top of my bee hoon, which there was a small worm inside. Hmm… I think I handle the scary worm but better than last time already.

I was… clicking around my Yahoo email and I found the following email under “Draft”. I guess I never sent it out but after re-reading what I wrote at that time (March 2006), I suddenly remembered how pissed I was back then, and why the things happen the way it happened after that…

Here it goes…

if there’s any chance, i’ll record down the arguments that we had, and played it for u to listen. replayed it for u to listen again. which you don’t probably realised, that you always don’t get what i want to say. because half of the time, either you interrupted my sentences. or you just interpreted the whole idea into another. why? i dunno. dun ask me that. i can’t answer. don’t keep asking me questions. i can’t answer all questions. i dun have the answers to everything. but you don’t care. you never does. you just ask and ask and ask. why why why. like i’m the criminal in the court. and you are that lawyer and you just ask and keep on asking, interrogating me. even asking questions, which i’ll be like, huh? where did that come from?

why do i feel so bad everytime you bring that up? bcos i felt like i’m being blamed everytime you bring that up. do u ever remember, just for once, how you will say it, whenever that was brought up? “ya lor, just like you (or someone) lor. *sarcastic laughter* dunno too nice or what.” this is just a minor way of you saying that. i wished i could record down the way you said it plus ya tone. but it never occurred to you that you sounded extremely sarcastic. and everytime you do that. its me again lor. its my fault right? no matter whatever reasons which i gave you before, to you, its all invalid. i’m convicted. i can’t remember exactly what did i do at this point in time already. all i can remember was ya constant non-stop and bombarding of questions at me, all over again and again. and ya blame at me. and then thats it, i’m to be blamed. and everytime u said it, it reminds only that I AM TO BE BLAMED. and thats it. i feel bad. of course i feel bad. imagine someone blame you. and he brings it up again and yet again. i’m telling you, its a torment to me.

dun understand right? ya, you probably never will.there’s a lot of things probably you will never get to understand. “ya, you can do then others cannot lor”. yes, there are certain things that i don’t see it on myself. i admit that. but that goes the same for you. you don’t like me to talk to guys. you don’t need to say it. ‘cos you always showed it. i try as much, i don’t. i hardly talk to my guy friends. i hang out with my female colleagues at work. you said i’m comparing. then fine, you let me have my way. am i asking for that? no, i’m not. you are only assuming things from the things that i said. you implied all those things yourself. when did i ever say it? no, i never. if its you, you know what you will say “don’t put words into my mouth”. you assumes and you assumes and you still assumes. i’d said that before. times before. i’d said a lot of things, a lot of times before. but i’m never heard. or is it that i’m not suppose to expect any changes from you at all because that is ya character?

you stop talking to wenhui. ya, i know that. i can see that. i never ask u to do that, but in a way i’m glad. and i dun just choose all the girls and dun allow all of them from talking to you. please, if they were to mind their hands, i think i wouldn’t feel as bad. i dun think jaime nor rachel will keep hitting you when they talk to u right? why huiling? please lor, weekends she still msg you. i’ve got no idea if she got msg other ppl or not. but u two, chit-chatting during the weekends. as much as you dun like me to talk to guys, i think u gotta see what you are doing also, be it matter i mind or not. or do you want me to say something similar to what you would say “well, if you wanna lie to me, i also dunno mah”.

…End of email

I’ll be seeing him this Saturday at DL’s wedding, after almost 1.5 years… But I did make my point. I can don’t contact my ex if I don’t want to. And I can still contact them and remain just as friends only if I want to.

Customer not free, so I ended up just having dinner with NN. But I was so tired then. Well, at least I managed to get the CDs from her. Went to Zhu’s house after that.

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Pig In Camp

Almost 11am. Darling went for reservist this morning. He woke up really early and I finally saw him wear his army uniform! SO SMART! ^^ I took a picture of him! But he look so grumpy in that. Just now he sms and told me that he will stay out for the whole week, and that he will drive to camp. Wonder what he’s doing now…

Should I go and fetch him tonight at Jurong Camp? Hmm… it seems rather far… but if he takes MRT, will be quite a while… Hmm…

3.30pm, talking to EY now. It’s raining heavily in Manila now, but luckily there’s no typhoon in that area. He seems rather bored but still alright. Zhu Zhu… don’t think he will be coming to my house tonight. He rather get his mum to buy those coupons. If I know then I won’t go and buy just now. Hmm… At first still thought of not getting the money back from him for the coupons. Now I must take!

Is it me or is everyone staying away from each other? It seems so quiet… Nadi not online ever since she changed her job. NN will be going to Aussie soon, which means I’ll seldom see her online already. Since SY changed job, I also seldom talk to her. JY also getting busy. EY is now in PHP. Also talk lesser to HB since I started helping BY. Sigh… and worse of all… Darling in camp!! Sigh…

Okay, I’m bored. Though I’ve got things to do like updating the SOW for CM-333 because of idiots who just changed without informing us. They don’t understand the pain in updating when that person is only informed AFTER everything was confirmed. Sigh… Well, I’ve really got a lot of things to do but everything seems to be hanging there. Oh yes, I’m supposed to read a book online, at Safari. Maybe I should go and read now since BY had gone down for tea break and I don’t have the mood to update the SOW.

I’m going back home soon. Don’t feel like doing anything. Probably its due to the lack of sleep. Helped Darling finish his essay yesterday, so slept late. Then this morning, after he woke up, I couldn’t really sleep already. And it definitely feels weird to have his mum around while I prepare for work.

Darling had actually wanted to come to my house to stay overnight but now, at 10.50pm, he’s still in the Jurong Camp… so… he said… that… don’t think he’s coming… *CRY*

I can’t sleep!!! I think I got too used to having my baby beside me… *SOB* But now he couldn’t come because it’s too late… *SOB*

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