Thoughts – Antibiotics & Milk Supply

Day 16

I shouldn’t have listened to the GP and stopped pumping. With my experience on hand-expressing, I couldn’t drain out the milk effectively. Furthermore, there’s no stimulation at all for the 2 days which I stopped and *GASP* MY MILK SUPPLY SEEMS TO HAVE DROPPED DRASTICALLY!

It dropped. And dropped to a scary level. There’s a total of probably 10ml in total ONLY for both breasts! *GASP AGAIN* I mean, not that I have a lot of milk to begin with, but this is too much!

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Thoughts – Exclusively Pumping

Day 15

4.08am – I’m not giving up on breastfeeding totally, I mean, at least not the main purpose which is to provide breast milk for little milkie. But then again, within only 2 weeks… despite the fact that my nipples had been “injured” several times, I’d fallen with the idea of breastfeeding. It felt so nice to be able to spend some quiet times with your daughter, having her so close to you, and seeing her growing. But alas… for her health benefits and to ensure that she’s drinking enough and gaining weight, and to have a piece of my mind (stop whoever from constantly nagging at me and keeping myself sane), I had to make this tough decision to express it out so that we all are sure that she’s drinking it…

I know I probably won’t be able to get her to breastfeed directly again after making this decision… I know I will miss that feeling… But I don’t really have much choice…

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Thoughts – “Doctors” vs “Lactation Consultants”

Day 14

It definitely can be quite irritating when you get so many different views, furthermore, from those that are considered “experts”.

With a more awaken mind, I started to ponder on the things that the GP (General Practitioner) said yesterday – advising me to stop breastfeeding, and to hand-express out the milk instead of pumping it out to avoid stimulation, which causes the breasts to be more engorge. Wait. Stop breastfeeding and pumping too? Wouldn’t that decrease the milk supply? At least, that’s the knowledge that I have. And seriously, will hand-expressing it out help to prevent engorgement, and how effectively can I do it? Why can’t the milk be drank?

So many questions popped out in my head. I needed answers… and so I started calling…

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Thoughts – Breast Infection

Day 13

4.16am – Something seems amissed… why do I feel so extremely dehydrated? And… feverish…? Slightly chilly too… Could it be the lack of heaty food that I’m eating? No, it can’t be. I’d started eating it but it really doesn’t feels right… Never mind, let’s just continue to feed little milkie first…

8.11am – I woke up, feeling chilly and hot at the same time. I’m perspiring but it’s cold sweat. My head is in pain and I’m in a daze. The baby is crying for milk. How? I cried out for my mum and told her how I felt. I’m not supposed to be sick during confinement, that’s what I was told. I measured my temperature. 38.6 degree celsius. Darn. Why am I having such a high fever. I measured again using another thermometer. It’s exactly the same. DARN darn. I’m not good. Don’t really have much energy to provide a feed. Formula milk was decided to be given to her in the end, at least for now.

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Thoughts – Importance of the Hub

Day 12

To all the hubs of wives, please be there for your wife especially if she’s not in that good a condition (and more so if she needs to go through that s****d confinement). Don’t just care about yourself and your friends at this moment, they are not the most important in your life (if they are, then something is VERY wrong). Don’t say stupid things. Don’t just focus on the baby. Don’t let your wife feels alone. Your wife needs your love and attention too…

To all the wives of the hubs (especially s****d ones), if he’s not there for you, then at the very least, try to be sane and be there for yourself. If he’s like that now, most likely he will be like that for the rest of your life. So… accept it and get used to it, sadly. All you can do is keep on praying… nagging, will probably only make things worse.

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Thoughts – Postnatal Depression

Day 11

You should be glad that you are reading a blog, written by me, titled as it is. For it means I’m not there yet (thankfully), i.e. I’m still somewhat sane (to an extent) and conscious enough not to fall into that vicious cycle, and therefore am able to write this. At least, and hopefully, not yet or ever.

The hours of sobbing yesterday had released some stress and frustration out of me, and thus, am feeling slightly better today, and am able to keep myself from behaving like a wilful crazy b*tch, as what the lil’ hub would say. Furthermore, its a Saturday, which means the lil’ hub was here with me for the whole of today (since yesterday), till now. And that too, helped in taking some of the load and pressure off me.

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Motherhood – Breastfeeding Positions

The past week had been really hectic, with everyone still in panic mode and extreme lack of sleep. And now, even the breastfeeding positions want to join in the fun. I’m confused, when I’m given too many choices, and without much help. Thus, out of the so many possibilities, I tried only 2. Just these 2, which i found it to be the easiest, whatever name it’s being called. And remember, always find a comfortable position to breastfeed.

(1) Cradle Hold

Basically, cradle your baby in your left arm (the normal way of carrying the baby in a horizontal way) with the baby’s head resting on the crook of your arm, and the body resting on your whole arm. Your left hand should be supporting the baby’s buttock. With your right hand that’s free, support your left breast so that you can guide your nipple to the baby’s mouth (thumb on top of breast, the other 4 fingers below). Switch arm if you are switching the breast.

I didn’t try this for long as my baby somehow didn’t like it.

(2) Football Hold

Remember those times where you held a ball by the side. It’s more or less like that except now your left hand should be support the baby’s neck and head. And then your baby tucked under your arm, between your arm and your body. Use your left hand to guide the baby’s mouth to your nipple. Your right hand that’s free can help to support the left breast too. Switch arm if you are switching the breast.

This was recommended to me by one of the lactation consultant from the hospital. But again, different babies like different positions. So I guess it really depends.

In the event if you are tired, put cushion or pillow below your left arm to support the baby’s weight.

Good luck to your breastfeeding. I’m almost fainting but will try to hang on…

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Thoughts – When Everything Gets Overloaded

(unedited)

Day 10

When everything gets overloaded, it simply just burst. I’m tired and stress out. Don’t put anything on me anymore. No, it’s not your fault, I put it on myself. Yes, again, it’s always my fault. Always.

The accumulated lack of sleep n rest had already cause a turmoil in my body. The first sign – a pimple. One that I hardly get unless either I’m too stress or im simply having an extreme lack of sleep. For now, it’s both. The constant need to be alert added on to this both.

I’m not in good condition.

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