Emo Week

How time flies. A week has already passed and now I’m making myself blog again. So how does my week looked like? Emo. On top of the hectic schedule.

Passing Away

A close friend’s grandmother had just passed away a few days ago. Though it was somewhat expected after she had a fall and went into a coma, one can’t help but feel sad.

It reminded me of the time, 12 years ago, where my goddad was found dead, early in the morning. That, was really sudden. Nonetheless, it’s still one more person leaving this world.

And there will be more, as another friend’s dad’s conditions doesn’t seem good. So is a colleague’s aunt.

I remembered a friend’s mom once said to me, “Someday, you simply get used to it.”

The cycle of life. Where does one go after that? Are there any afterlife?

Making the Will

It never really dawn on me much to make a will. After all, I am not one with tons of money. Neither are my family members. But after hearing the explanations from my friend, one does really need to consider it.

For me, there is one that caught my attention. Do you know that if you and your spouse were to die together and the time of death is unknown for both, the court will assume that the older one, based on date of birth, died first.

So take for example. Considering me and the lil’ hub, since I am older, I will be the one to die first and thus 50% of my money will go to my spouse and another 50% to my children. Which means nothing goes to my parent. And then when it comes to the lil’ hub, since the spouse (which is me) is already considered dead, part of his money will go to his parent and the other to our kids!

Well, I need to be fair. So, yes, I need to do something.

Separation Anxiety

Little milo finally went back to childcare after getting sick on his 3rd day of school and thus staying at home for a week due to fake measles.

And after each day, you can see the reluctance getting clearer as he delayed his reply to my question on whether he likes the school or not.

Of course, he cried. For the past 3 days, he cried. It’s getting lesser, thankfully. And I sure hope he will get used to going to his childcare soon.

Old Love

So after all these emo-ing. The Korean drama stuck me, continues to watch those Korean dramas. And then continues to day dream on all those cute handsome oppas.

But alas, somehow a night of insomnia caused me to think back to the past. To how I met each of them. Bittersweet but its all nice memories. Yet there is one which I simply couldn’t recall at all, no matter how hard I tried, on how we started, except for how we ended.

He wasn’t the first but he was the one who caused me to change almost thoroughly. And then it suddenly dawned on me that – is it true that if something drastic really happens, that the memory could be blocked or lost? Did I really throw it all away that night? The night where I slept and woke up feeling so refreshed and reborned. Was it because all these memories disappeared and thus I felt so light?

And of course there’s always that one. My regret. *LOL*

Whatever it is, I guessed its all in the past. I just wished, now, that it would be more smooth sailing for my children in the future.

It’s Every Morning

The same old story… Waking up the sheep. After a while, it really tires me out. Worst still if little milkie throws some tantrums like today. Asked her what she wants to wear for racial harmony the night before since she didn’t want to wear those that I borrowed from her friend. So she decided to choose a dress but when the morning comes, suddenly, she didn’t want to wear that.


My temper is getting shorter.

Not Being There

And then for some reasons, more than half of her classmates’ mummies are not working! What does that means for me? All of them get to join in their activities while I can’t. They get to pick their kids up while I can’t. They get to teach them and spend more time with them while I can’t.

Then I started wondering if I should just quit my job and be a stay-at-home-mom. Of course, that, can never ever be possible…

13 Years of Working

You felt tired. And before you you knew it, you realized that you’ve been working for 13 years already!


From being a test engineer, to a software engineer, then a project manager, and then into governance and system administrator, and now, in HR. How I have changed.

In Childcare

It’s the third day of start of new week and the teacher called to tell me that little milo had fell down and cut his lips.

Another sigh.

Sometimes, when one don’t have a choice, but to have to simply send their kid to a childcare, and pray hard that the kid will be well taken care of. My heart goes out to those whose kid got abused during the care. I do hope nothing of sort will ever happen, not just to my child, but to every kid.

Keeping Everyone Busy

And then you stop and wonder… why is everyone kept so busy?

Last week, today, I was out with 2 great friends, drinking and catching up. Today, the lil’ hub is out. It’s a Friday. And I spent the last 2 days on course, filling up my head with information. It seems a little overload, especially after today’s test. I am glad it’s over and I’m back home.



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Been raining heavily since the early afternoon. Nonetheless it hasn’t dampen my jolly mood. Today is a Friday but it wasn’t just because of that, that made me so happy. I, managed to get the lil’ hub to wake up earlier so that we can send little milkie to school earlier. She was happy, and I was happy too. The lil’ hub and I even had time for a quick breakfast!


Half of 2017 had gone, and I haven’t been as hardworking as I had intended and planned to. And after the Perth holiday, things still didn’t pick up. The only one thing I had done and am proud of, was to curb my addiction of going to read that blog. So far so good, it’s been more than a month or so. Though there are days where I’ve got the temptations, I’d resisted.

Are things looking good? It isn’t bad but with so many things running at the back of my head, I simply can’t get things right…

Blogging regularly.

I haven’t been blogging that regularly. Not even occasionally. Many a times I had intended to but ended up with a draft. In fact, I’ve got so many drafts of recent! All half written posts…

It’s not a good sign. Basically I couldn’t get my thoughts out for various reasons. So you can imagine how cluttered my mind was (and still is) when I couldn’t put them into words.

So, I have decided to make it a point to blog regularly again. That is, at least I know, one effective way to keep me sane and balance.

I am FAT.

This, is starting to bother me. Especially when I look at my reflection everyday and wondering who that auntie is… How long has it been? 5 years? Ever since I’m pregnant with little milkie, that 42kg disappeared from my life forever. And though I’ve already gave up the hope (and clothes) of going back to a size S (or XS), I seriously do not want to stay at an L!

What’s worse was the fact that little milkie thinks that I am fat too. Okay, she’s not wrong…

I know I had to do something to it. But between knowing and actually doing something, there is a big gap. I tried to exercise with the lil’ hub. It works until I fell ill and it goes bad again. Food controlling was bad too. *sux*

Time is Limited

And then there is the time factor. If I exercise, I can’t do much with little milkie. And if I go through any activities with her, I don’t have the time to do my own things. But if I were to do my own things, I would be neglecting both of them!

Oh, did I just mention both? Oh yah, the problem on top is being multiplied by two, now that little milo needs quite a bit of my attention too. It’s a good thing but I wished I can managed my time better!

Little Milkie

She’s fine, growing up well and naughty with a nasty temper (just like her dad). I sometimes wonder if it’s really the genes that caused her to be like that. She wasn’t really that pampered, with us scolding her if she did something wrongly and yet, she is still what she is. No, there is nothing wrong with that. I am just wondering.

She’s smart but lazy. And everytime when I got her to do her “homework”, she will feel sleepy. Yeah, the homework spells that causes people to sleep. It’s tiring, to have to nag constantly. Am I someone who loves to nag? NO. So you can imagine how I dreaded it when my dearest mum told me to scold them the moment I stepped into the house.

Character aside. Her kindy is giving me problems and I hope they do get solved soon. And then I’ve got a bunch of quite ON mummies who seems to spend a lot of time coaching their kids, unlike me. Peer pressure? I sure felt it and I’m trying to do something.

And then there’s also the parent volunteer sessions that sucked up my annual leaves.

Little Milo

Then of course I’ve got my cute little milo, who unlike his sister, wakes up real early in the morning. It’s good and I don’t want to change that or else if he ended up like the sister, I will faint. It’s our bad to have changed little milkie’s habit previously.

Well, he’s alright except that at 27 months, he still isn’t talking much. I am not really that worried for other than speech, he’s growing up just fine. Nonetheless, being quite a kiasu mum, I decided to send him to the childcare except that we realised that this childcare wasn’t as alright as we had thought.

What makes it worse was that the lil’ hub places the responsibility on me. Like… shall anything happened to him, I will feel bad for the rest of my life. Sigh, what can I say?

Mental Exhaustion

I’m not good. In fact it seems to be this way for quite a while except that I casted it aside. And now that the problem seems to be bigger, I know I had to figure something out before it gets out of hand.

I’m exhausted. Everyday and every moment. I don’t know what I am tired about. I am just… tired. It’s like something is constantly running at the back of my head and I simply can’t turn it off and thus, it drains off my battery.

There’s tons of things that I would love to do but yet I kept procrastinating. And that bothers me.

I’m not too sure if regular blogging will help me or drain my energy but I just know I need to do something. Let’s hope my next post will be more positive.

It’s a start. I am back. ^^

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