Blog #0449

9.03am –  Happy Hari Raya! Today is a public holiday! Woohoo! Any plans? YES! Ironing the clothes. =.=”’

10.19pm – Yes. Silence is what he likes best.

11.06pm – I never have a say in this family… It’s like right from the beginning…

For the man I love, I tried to accept and go against all the cells in my brain, my beliefs and wants that I’d held for all these years. Yet, I don’t feel a bit appreciated at all… In fact, I’m being blamed for things that I complained related to it… since I already agreed, I should always just accept and not complained anything about it. I’m supposed to swallow anything that is to come… (WTF).

And everytime when I did that, I’m being thrown and left alone to cry. Abandoned. Reprimanded and named “Crazy” if I were to cry…

I can never complain… Somehow, I’m never good enough… For the things that I do… Or not do…

I can never be weak… No matter how stress or tired I am… I cannot show it out, much less throwing a tantrum.

Depression. Stress. Tired. Tantrum. Complaints. These are words that CANNOT appear in MINE or HIS dictionary.

I can only be a super smart, capable, understanding, thoughtful, caring and will never cry wife in order for him to love me. (SAD)

Lord, there are times where I need to be low too, you know? I can’t upkeep that energy with less than enough sleep and rest…

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