Juggling Balls

“Sometimes, I think life is really a bit overwhelming. Wonder if it’s because I suck at it.”

“I agreed. It’s like having issues trying to juggle and ensure no balls fall off your hands.”

“Ya… But the balls kept falling, and then more balls dropped onto your hands. And soon, you realised the balls are filled up to your neck, and you are not trying to juggle, but trying to breathe and not fall under.”

On a Monday morning, at work…

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The Mood is Bad

It’s probably the time of the month soon and thus I am feeling a little more than moody. I ain’t really happy with what I’m doing. A friend told me to change the way I work or I shall face extinction. Maybe its the lack of sleep that always made me so reluctant to go to work. Maybe its the lack of passion. Whatever it may be, it is not good. My mood swings are getting from bad to worse. I am drowning in my incompetency. I don’t like what I am doing now but life goes on, it always goes on. I knew that long ago. But to move along with it every day can be real tiring. I feel like crying. It’s been a long while since I do that. Cooped up inside.

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Day 42 of Reboot

Eyelids are heavy. Head crowded with thoughts. I need a bed desperately.

Will be going for body combat later. Can my body take it? Or should I just go for a walk? 17 more minutes to decide…

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Day 41 of Reboot

2.22pm – It’s accumulating again. The thoughts. As I’ve failed to get it out on a daily basis. Breathing has become harder…

When can I get out of this race? I wondered…

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Day 33 of Reboot

Rashes attack!!! Yeah, it’s attacking again! And today I woke up with a swollen left eye and rashes on both arms. I wondered what went wrong…

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Day 31 of Reboot

11.18am – Had been pondering on an email which was sent to me, cc-ed the director, in one of the email. I never reply it because something felt amiss. So I kept thinking of a better way to write it until I forgotten at the end of Friday. Maybe it is a good thing. Colleague told me that the email feels loaded. What is loaded? Hidden agenda. *facepalm*

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Day 30 of Reboot

It’s 12.03am, just finished my office work and shut down the lappie. Oh, correction, it’s stop doing. I haven’t finished yet. I’ve made it a point to sleep earlier every night, today I’ve already failed to do so, thanks to my old boss who asked me to provide the data to her which usually I probably could only do it earliest on the 6th. Providing the data early is not as issue so long she don’t expect me to do a nice and swee swee (pretty pretty) one for her.

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Day 24 of Reboot

Ah!!!!!!!! It’s no good!

I am not in a good mood today. The mind is totally off. I am freaking tired. My head is bursting! How?!!!

Knowing that I only have a handful of leaves left definitely is not helping. Crap. Crap.

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Day 20 of Reboot

Something is changing. My body is changing. Recently my rashes came back out of nowhere, just like how it suddenly disappeared a decade back.

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Day 13 of Reboot

Am really trying hard to gather myself. Slept earlier last night and woke up early today. It’s 7.02am and I’ve planned my day. Will try and keep it up. There are simply just too many things to do, I can’t waste anymore time.

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Day 12 of Reboot

Thoughts are still jumbled up. Am gathering all my strength to focus and squeeze the droplets together. I need a clear direction.

Bit by bit… at least I am moving… though I probably have to move a little faster than this pace.

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Day 11 of Reboot

Felt sabo-ed. Working from home today. By right it’s the whole team, now it’s only me.

Pissed with the lil’ hub. Pushing all the responsibilities to me.

I need to start planning.

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