My Analysis

Don’t worry my bebe… it’s not because of you (totally) that I chose not to continue to stay in TW. Yes, I know it’s a pity to give up on this rather good opportunity. I do agree with it. But at least I tried, I did try, for 5 months now, and another 6-7 more months to go. I do appreciate that I’ve got a very good superior now. And yes, I do agree that I might not get to have a superior who recognise my work in the future. That is one of the reasons why I’m in this company for so long. Because all these while, there is at least SOMEONE who appreciates my work. But I believe it’s a give-and-take. For me to give up my life in SG and be here in TW, it’s asking a bit too much from me to trade in for that opportunity to become a CM (which might not be confirmed either). 1-2 years of my life, it’s too much. How old will I be then? How old will my parents be then? As much as possible, I want to spend more time with my love ones. I lost my Godfather a few years back. It hurts. Suddenly you realised how fragile life really can be. And then you start to wonder… if only I can spend more time with them. I won’t regret, or at most, the only possible thing that I will regret, is to lose such a good superior. But I won’t regret for not taking that opportunity because I really did try. And for the past 5 months, I kept getting emotionally upset out of nothing isn’t that healthy for me, and for us too. I miss my life in SG. The joy, the laughter…

You said that the ME that you saw, is one who wants to achieve high, climb up the ladder. Yes, probably I do, I want to achieve something, I don’t want to be ordinary and I hadn’t change. There’s a fire in me, which wants to soar up into the sky but… it’s not in this company. Nor any other company. I want something which I called my own, and I will do it. I’m really glad that you said all those words to me. But seriously, I ain’t very happy over here… I call it freedom or peaceful when I’m in a good mood. But when I’m not… (like now)… I’m sitting on my bed, typing into my blog. All I can hear now, is the typing sound on the keyboard on my Sony Vaio… and then I stopped… and everything else stopped. I looked around the room, nothing is moving… it’s just a room with my things all around the place. My things… yes, a small little part of my things which yearned to be back in the blue wardrobe and cabinets. Nobody is online. Of course, it’s 12.32am in the morning and why am I not sleeping yet? Because there’s something called insomnia. I get this quite a lot. Damn. And there’s still the work to be done which I had no mood to. And to stay together with your colleagues is a torture because you see them at work, you see them after work. They are the first people you saw when you wake up, and they are the last people you saw before you go to sleep. Everyday. Including weekends. No… That’s not the life I want.

Just planned my return trip with Uncle BY. Will be coming back on the 12 February 2009. Well, I guess I need some short break right? I need to sit down and think and plan for my future. Maybe I should do that now already. Hmm...

I finally bought Nike gloves but I got the kid’s one instead. The gloves seems more right for the size of my hands. The adult ones are a little too big. NT$1125. Hmm… Oh well, company pays. I don’t really care! Oh yes, I bought the face masks too. 2 boxes for NT$378, that’s for 20 pieces. So meaning… for 1 piece, it cost like less than S$1.00! *The fried rice I ate just now is a little too oily for me and now I think I’m having slight sore throat.* I miss my bebe… Why do I miss him so much recently?

I don’t feel good. It’s like a sudden suffocation. I couldn’t breathe properly and I miss him so much. I wish he is here right now, in front of me and gives me a hug. My heart is beating faster than normal. What’s happening?

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