Ramblings #1189

9.55am – Song of today: “Impossible” by Shontelle. Ah… nothing close related to love. I’m done with the boy boy loves girl girl thing. All I’m left now is love for my beloved family, and that drains me at times because I’m trying so hard to do whatever I can for them, that I realized even while I’m taking a nap yesterday, the moment I saw my lil’ hub, the question was – “Have you taken your lunch?”

No. That’s not how things should be.

Little milkie had been coughing for the whole night. Thankfully, the fever seems to have subsided. Little milo’s cough hasn’t recovered too, and it’s almost a week. I’m wondering if I should bring him to the doctor again as the phlegm is still there. Was it the haze? Or just the virus that had made a u-turn back?

I’m exhausted, really. I woke up today at 4am because little milo was crying so loudly for milk in the other room. So I woke up to pump since it’s a little full. But then I had to wake up another time at 7-ish latest to pump again as the next pump can only be around lunch time.

Seriously, I wonder how long I can take all these. Last week, while venting it out with a colleague, I almost wanted to cry. Lack of sleep, backaches, coughing continuously definitely isn’t something that I wanted. And the last thing I needed was some stupid pushing of responsibility from anyone (especially the lil’ hub).

Me to milkie: You ask daddy, he will tell you that you can’t go out.
Dad: Don’t drag me in. Don’t ask her to ask me.
Me: Is it that difficult for you to just tell her “no”? *when you are the one who started this conversation with her*
Dad: Yes, because I don’t understand why you all don’t let her go out.
Me: *F. She just had fever yesterday, and now she’s still coughing, AND the haze is bad*

I’m somewhat glad that her fever came back a little later to shut him up.

Me: Can you call the new childcare?
Dad: Why is it me?
Me: Why can’t you call? Since you called and check with them previously? *because I lost my voice*
Dad: Okay, then you settle the bank loans.
Me: *F. I totally can’t communicate with this guy anymore*

Is it that difficult to help out here and instead cut the responsibilities so clearly? If that IS the case, then I shouldn’t need to check with my friend at all on whether we should proceed to secure a loan at all because it’s NOT my responsibility.

And do you need to discuss about taking a Masters at midnight when I’m trying to get some precious sleep? Why do you always talk only during those times? I’m not denying that conversation but I would love it when my brain is working (so that I won’t get reprimanded for not having any response). I only got 6 hours (at max) of sleep and I need full concentration at work to do the things I’m required.

I’m sorry. It’s a Monday. I didn’t get enough sleep. Shall stop now and go and clear my 10 storey high of work.

*a mother and wife deprived of sleep and balance*

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