Ramblings – Tired Eyes

9.58am – I am so going to make this my last attempt before I throw this post into the trash. This is how bad things are being delayed! Yup, I’m trying and am still trying. It’s like a never ending thing. You get busy at work then you go home and get busy at home, then you go to sleep and wake up feeling tired as ever, and then repeat.

I’m tired. My eyes are tired. My body is tired. I am sick of working already, doing things that I don’t really fancy. But the things that I love to do wouldn’t pay my bills. Sigh, that’s life between reality and dreams.

Who is the one that came up with all these work and what not??

Life is still the same. Is it because I’ve never change?

—- previous attempts —-

2.22pm – I am pretty sure I’m not the most discipline person in the world but I also know I am not the worst. My attempt yesterday failed once again. I guess one should not try and start something when it’s about time to go home. So here’s my fourth attempt and I seriously hope I will post it without shortening what I want to say.

Anyway, I woke up a little fresh today after getting to sleep around midnight despite the disturbed sleep from little milo who insisted on sleeping with us at around 4-ish.

Well, glad that a friend reminded me telling me how sucky she’s feeling today. No, I’m not being sarcastic or laughing over her situation. I know how it feels like and I do hope she can get out of that cycle. I am simply saying that she reminded me that I don’t want to ever fall back into that whirlpool again. And then she did a good thing by sending a link over.

That sets me thinking. It really does. A long long time ago, I used to do that too, until somewhere somehow things started to change. And the worse thing is, I couldn’t find the thing where I think would help me to follow the schedule. Or probably it’s because I didn’t know what I want.

Well, I am glad that I went to search again and found this.

PicsArt_03-15-03.55.37

So far so good, I’ve been trying to customise it to my liking and I love it! It has almost every function that I’m looking for! Best of all, I can use it for my google calendar. Hope this will last and help me achieve what I want!

So now what? I guess I will have to be realistic and plan, tons of things though but what to do. Life continues…

And little milkie just called, crying. It breaks my heart to know that she cried because I am working. And always back home later than my nephew’s parents because my office is further. It doesn’t help when the lil’ hub works late and I take his car so that I can see him and at the same time, save some money.

She told me that she don’t have to buy anything. She got enough money…

Did I make the right choice by changing my job?

Just for laugh, my attempted post:

“5.03pm – This is the third time I am attempting to write this blog. I’m getting better, for that I am pretty sure because my first attempt ended with just the title probably a month plus back. Second attempt ended up with the following paragraphs some weeks back. And today, I will post it! (No matter what)

“9.27am – Sometimes I feel like I am simply way too tired and my body is repeatly telling me to get some rest. Having 3 to 5 hours of disturbed sleep continuously = killing myself slowly. I know but what can I do when the little one kept waking up in the middle of the night while the elder one refuses to sleep. Parents had already done me a great deal and they are equally as tired as I am, if not worse. The lil’ hub ain’t always around and even if he is, he can’t help much because once he is lack of sleep, he gets sick immediately.

I am really tired but yet, sadly, I can’t mention it to the lil’ hub because he will simply say that I deserve it by doing things that I probably don’t have to, such as volunteering to plan for the holiday trip for the big group, doing all the handicraft stuffs with the kids etc.”

I’m back in office, and finished my work (almost) after being sick over the weekend. It looks like my body punished me because I haven’t been listening. It’s a small punishment though, I would say, and thank God for that. Nonetheless, it’s a warning for me to take note and seriously start adjusting my schedule as well as diet.

Life is still as hectic as ever, if not worse, with more time required for parent volunteering, house designing, holiday planning, car searching, kindy checking, activities, work and what not. Gee, it sounds familiar. I simply can’t recall I’ve complained about which one before.”

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