Same Old Feeling

I forgotten to wear my wedding band today. Not deliberately. I really forgotten…

Was watching the Korean drama, “The Jugglers”, while preparing to work and entertain little milo at the same time, thus, I missed that out.

Today, I sat in the bus and weirdly, I’ve got tons of thoughts in my head today. Not that I don’t have that in other days but today, it’s overflowing. Is it going to rain soon?

The lil’ hub’s on his solo trip now, in Vietnam. I sure everything will be alright. Not to worry will be a lie since he had never travel alone before. Had a small hiccup upon arrival where the Data Travel plan that he subscribed does not cover the country that he went. Consequences for trusting a boastful friend and not doing any checks at all on his own. But well, easily solved by getting a Sim card over there. Forgotten to bring pen and shampoo but these are all small issues. Just hope he will be back home on Sunday safely.

It’s the 28th of December and in another 3 more days, it will be 2018. It feels the same, like every other year end. Scrambling to list down the goals so that you can have a fresh start and hopefully managed to do those New Year resolutions, which somehow gets postponed year after year…

I’m disappointed with myself and yet I am not doing anything. Have I lost the rights to grumble? That I haven’t achieved anything?

Now that I’ve reached the office and staring at those emails in my inbox, I wondered where have I gone wrong. At work, at home, for myself. Why am I where I am? And how am I going to clear those work and make it better?

I am glad though, that I managed to stay away from the addiction of that website. At the very least, I won’t be affected every now and then. Staying away. I need to be very mindful of that.

I felt sleepy today. I’m not too sure why. I slept more than yesterday and yet felt more sleepy. Was it because I drank black tea yesterday morning and thus am more awake?

I don’t feel like doing anything except to sit at the beach and write… but without anymore annual leaves, I can only sit in the office now. Luckily, the bosses are not around. Anyway, just two more days at work, so endure… but it also means that the sh*t work will come next seek >.<

In case you are wondering why my writings seem jumbled up… my thoughts are fragmented and messed up. Me time. Was it called Me time? I am too lack of it. I don’t have enough time to tidy it, likewise the same for my craft room.

I’m going all the way down to Paya Lebar during lunch time, to submit my application for the post graduatrle diploma. I am not ready yet if you were to ask me. The course will start on 6 Jan next year, and classes will be on weekends. I’m not too sure if I can take it since it’s been a long time since I’ve studied. Worst still, I don’t think I am THAT interested in it. But then I know I have to if I continue to stay in HR. Sigh… have I wasted my time struggling to study those subjects which I hated? Why am I forever doing that?

Attempts to bake already failed twice. Everytime when I see nice cakes or new bakeries, I wondered what I am doing. At coming 38, I am still doing the things that I don’t really like just so that my life will be comfortable. I still don’t have any savings. And I am getting fatter, looking more and more auntie each day. The lil’ hub is having his mid-life crisis and a lot of times I felt so lack of love.

How did all those people around me focus on the work while I seem to be always stoning? Not that I don’t have any workload, but…

Hmm… 8 more minutes and I am out of here. I can’t do anything today till I get all these thoughts out. Do they have any life? Or are they simply too responsible, to even come back and work, or check their emails, when they are on leave!

On my way to Paya Lebar now. Gosh… maybe I should take a power nap.

An hour later…

Handed over the documents. Am now on my way back to office and thinking what to grab for lunch. Will stop over at Buona Vista to get the cupcake tray or maybe I should just get it another time? I think I shall do that. So that makes buying the wet tissues the next task. You know, ever since I became a mom, life is really different. Did I ever imagine all these? Nope but its alright. I am enjoying most of the time though I hope I can make it even better.

Sometimes I do blame myself for not putting in effort, for procrastinating, for simply just lazing around. Does it changes anything? By far, nope. So I wonder when will I really be more determine to change such negative side of me. I wonder and I wonder, and am still wondering… Not a good thing. Should I stop playing those mobile games? Or watch Korean drama? Hmm…

I feel like going home now, to get some good sleep.

Tomorrow I am going to spend some money to trim and colour my hair. It’s been years since I have coloured mine, I am not sure if I myself can accept it.

Back in office and finished my lunch. Finally had ban mian after coming back from Genting and having cravings of it. Saw the memories photos that we took 8 years ago. I was so slim then. What happened?

Maybe I should stop whining now and do some stuffs? Is my mind clearer now? Hmm…

Oh yes! Almost forgotten to mentiom about the deja vu feeling I get after meeting the coordinator for the course just now. I wondered where have I seen her before but yet I am pretty sure that it’s the first time I’ve seem her! Well… is there another me around? Or was it because someone with the power to go back to the past just went back and thus I have this sense of familiarity? I wouldn’t be surprise though.

And what does it means when a friend skipped seeing your message? Never mind. It doesn’t matter. Not mine anyway.

Read through what I wrote last year for 2017. Seems like I hardly achieved what I’ve planned. Time to work.

Please follow and like us:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *