screams

i screamed at the top of my lungs. i cried and cried. my ears covered but i still hear voices. in my head. lots of voices. over and over again. my palm pressed against my ears even harder. but the voices are still there. i’m at the verge of breaking down. but why can’t anyone understands me? why? why do they keep questioning me instead? why you come home so late? why you always like to play this kind of game? why is it always you? why? why? why? WHY???!!!!!

i took a deep breath and closed my eyes. i’m alone again. alone again to fight this war of mine. no…. i never wanted this war. why would i want it? do you think i want it too? NO. I DON’T! *breathe* do you know how bad i feel now? no. neither do i? but i can try to describe….

i have no idea what i’m thinking. but i hate voices. i hate the noise. it makes me feel even more messed up. there’s just noise and more noise and even more noise. i can’t find peace at all. i felt like crying every second of my life. i have no idea why. i just felt like it. don’t ask me why. i lost my appetite to eat. i can’t focus. my head’s a blur most of the time.

alone in the dark, i opened my eyes…
why are they still pressuring me?……

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