Split Personalities

Uncle asked, “Is it affecting you a lot by staying here?”

Hmm… I’d thought about this question a long long time ago, ever since April, when I first went to PHP for like 2 weeks. My answer? Yes, confirmed. I knew I’m very affected. Couldn’t concentrate. It’s like a big part of my life seems to be missing everytime I’m away from home. And I yearned for that… to be surrounded by the noise, the fun and the laughter. And then, I can stoned for the whole day, starring into blank space and not wanting to do any work. And then, I won’t feel like touching my work once I reached the apartment, the place I stayed when I’m overseas. I’m not that efficient. And then… I don’t really have much options. As must as he tried to ask me to make me feel better… the thought of having to stay here, doesn’t. And to make things worse, the idea that I can’t go home for 3 months, made it EVEN worse, much more worse… Yes, the 3 months then can go back… I can’t tolerate that.

Was talking to NN just now. It’s her birthday today and she’s working half day. She mentioned that one of her colleague told her that once your salary reaches $4,500, it’s difficult to change job and that’s when you need a “side” job, and that’s where we need to start, NOW, at this age, before it’s too late. I know I need to start one too, and make it FAST… I just need the determination…

The Four M:
Meet your market. Minimize your cost. Maximize your selling price. Market the heck out of your product.

Friends want to come TW for tour. Of course I don’t really mind, if they want to bunk in with me, plus I got some company. But they have to understand a few small little things. Firstly, I don’t really want to go back TW early, just to tour around. As much as possible, I’m already trying to plan my schedule such that I can maximize my stay in SG and accompany my family. Please do understand, I’m only back in SG for at most 2 weeks. I yearned to be back home. Coming to work overseas isn’t really a very happy and enjoyable thing for me. Secondly, I can’t really take too many leaves, partly because I’m in TW for work, and not for tour, and I think I still need to ask my boss. And another part is, I’m trying to save up my annual leave because everytime I go back to SG, I can only be there for ONE week. Anything longer than that, I’ll have to take leave. Sigh… So… Please do understand… Sigh… *Stuck in a stupid position*

Recently, I kept having this “game” with Zhu Zhu. There’s 3 of him – Meow Meow (the studious one), Zhu Zhu (the sweet talking one) and Lang Lang (the bitch). It’s fun. But there’s only him. The 3 were made up. But me… I really felt that I have split personalities. Maybe it’s not those really drastic ones but I can really feel it – the Obedient & the Wild one. All along, the Obedient one is the one facing everyone but yet the Wild one had been trying to get out. Example, she wanted to go rock climbing, work overseas, and have a lot of fun with her Darling. Yes, he (sort of) released her, unknowingly. It’s a struggle. There’s always 2 different thoughts. One wants to just lead a simple life, one wants to be a boss. I’m trying to strike a balance here. By suppressing the Wild one… I felt suffocated. But neither can I neglect the Obedient one…

Bored.

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