Motherhood – A WIN-WIN Situation

Everyone deals with their children differently. Some gave their children whatever they want and love them to bits, while some will insist their children to do certain things, irregardless of whether they like it, want to or not.

So for example, in the event if you want your child to sleep (since it’s already 10pm), but he/she insisted on continuing to play, and then making a fuss after that (crying and throwing a tantrum). What would you do?

Generally, I feel that one shouldn’t give in nor be too hard on the child. Either of that would be a little too extreme. Thus, for my way of approach, I normally would try the soft one first, before the hard one, and lastly again on the softer approach, which is the compromisation. So here’s the deal:

Step 1: Talk nicely to them and get them to sleep. If that doesn’t work, go to Step 2.

Step 2: Go hard on them. No, means NO. If they started crying or yelling, get them to calm down (a lower tone and volume might work better) before you go to Step 3.

Step 3: Compromise.

Children, to me, should be talked to in a way similar to that of adults (exclude all the sad and hidden agendas). They should know that in order to achieve something, one must know how to give and take. And also to let them know that they will not always get fully on what they want, so long they cry.

Parenting is hard work (yes, nobody said it would be easy). I’m still learning and am still training my baby. But I would say she roughly understands how I work nowadays. Especially with the help of her daddy who simply goes the hard way most of the time, it simply makes it so much easier for me to use the soft approach. Right, I’m the good guy, and he’s the bad. *LOL*

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Parenting on the Same Side

I saw my baby throwing her tantrum and then the daddy started scolding and hitting her hand slightly. She turned to me, crying for help. I carried her and explained to her softly on the things that she can and can’t do, and then to apologize to her daddy. Am I doing the right thing?

I’d never taken “parenting” very lightly, especially after what I’d seen of my cousin, whose parents (my uncle and his wife) had been quarrelling and always on the opposite side, and still is, for the past 13 years. All the while seeing how my cousin took advantage of that situation, since when he was young. He didn’t turn out that bad, thankfully, but he could probably have been better.

It’s actually normal for a couple to go against each other. You can’t really expect 2 person to always agree, isn’t it? But no matter what, they should never do that when it comes to disciplinary of their children, especially when it’s a fact that the child really did something wrong. And worse still, in front of their children. So what happens when parents are always against each other?

Children are smart and they can absorb, understand and come out with their own “theory and conclusion” based on the things that they see or hear. And soon enough, they will know that they are always being “protected” by either side if their parents are on different side. For example, if the dad scolds, the mum will come to their rescue and argue with the dad or vice versa.

So is it good to be on the same side? Actually, there’s good and bad. Good in the sense that there won’t be any conflict, and the direction for the child is clear, as in, what is “can be done” and what is not. Bad is when both started scolding at the child, which simply drive them to a corner, feeling helpless, and probably not loved.

What am I trying to say? Have one person to be the bad guy, and the other be the one to “guide” them in a gentler tone, in the same direction. If any conflict really arises, just remember never to do it in front of the children. Of course, this is definitely not applicable if any abusing seems to be in action.

Anyhow, I’m back to hushing my baby.

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