I saw my baby throwing her tantrum and then the daddy started scolding and hitting her hand slightly. She turned to me, crying for help. I carried her and explained to her softly on the things that she can and can’t do, and then to apologize to her daddy. Am I doing the right thing?
I’d never taken “parenting” very lightly, especially after what I’d seen of my cousin, whose parents (my uncle and his wife) had been quarrelling and always on the opposite side, and still is, for the past 13 years. All the while seeing how my cousin took advantage of that situation, since when he was young. He didn’t turn out that bad, thankfully, but he could probably have been better.
It’s actually normal for a couple to go against each other. You can’t really expect 2 person to always agree, isn’t it? But no matter what, they should never do that when it comes to disciplinary of their children, especially when it’s a fact that the child really did something wrong. And worse still, in front of their children. So what happens when parents are always against each other?
Children are smart and they can absorb, understand and come out with their own “theory and conclusion” based on the things that they see or hear. And soon enough, they will know that they are always being “protected” by either side if their parents are on different side. For example, if the dad scolds, the mum will come to their rescue and argue with the dad or vice versa.
So is it good to be on the same side? Actually, there’s good and bad. Good in the sense that there won’t be any conflict, and the direction for the child is clear, as in, what is “can be done” and what is not. Bad is when both started scolding at the child, which simply drive them to a corner, feeling helpless, and probably not loved.
What am I trying to say? Have one person to be the bad guy, and the other be the one to “guide” them in a gentler tone, in the same direction. If any conflict really arises, just remember never to do it in front of the children. Of course, this is definitely not applicable if any abusing seems to be in action.
Anyhow, I’m back to hushing my baby.