Something, in Common

We walked around, indulging in those amazing creations. Talking so excitedly like two young children. There was a lot of joy poking fun at each other. Though simple but we were very happy.

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Back to Reality:

Me: I tell you which one I like.

Before I pointed out which one…

Him: Where are you going to put?? You still got space to put meh? Buy so many Lego for what?

Me: *totally turned off*

……

I guess that’s life. As much as I would love to have those “happily ever after”, it seems like only a very small percentage of people will get to enjoy that. And that’s why you (or at least, I) got addicted to watch it in dramas, movies and read in books, where it’s FICTION.

I probably would have written it somewhere in my blog before, that I always seem to be the one trying to like his interests, so that we have something in common. Seems like it had been put in some corner of my head till yesterday. Lego. It’s not that feminine but yet that idea was almost trashed out immediately after I brought up the fact that I like one of the sets. Even back at home, while the 3 of us are playing role-playing using Lego, he will simply sit there with his phone.

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Here’s what we had for V-day. Nothing special but at least not the usual. He’s exceptionally nice for the past few days, at least he tried, for he knew he pissed me off really big time this time.

Put it this way. It’s the day before reunion dinner. Why do you have to kick up a big fuss just because no one is looking after a 4 years old toddler early in the morning, and ended up him drinking the evaporated milk from the fridge? Do you have to say that I am an irresponsible mother? Have you forgotten the fact that I am sick, too, and having insomnia? My parents are busy with the CNY preparations too!

I went to stay at my parents house with the children because we had HFMD, and so that you can get to rest more. Yet the kind of feedback that I get is as such.

What’s worse? During my aunt’s wake, you actually argued with me not once, but TWICE, when I even asked you to stop! I am deeply sorry though 3 days had passed, I haven’t fully recovered from the damages you’d caused. I salute you for understanding that you are probably in the wrong, so please continue to do what you should be doing. For at this point, the sight of you and your mom still irks me. It is that bad, if you thought it’s not. One who verbally abuses me, and the other always try to act smart.

Without respect, love is lost. I hope you will keep that coaster that I passed to you. Remember it, please. We already don’t have much in common. I am already very lack of love from you. To hurt me like that, you are only digging your own grave.

I will go and print out your motto for this year.

Be Forgiving and Kind.

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I Am NOT Your Mum

First and foremost, let’s be upfront, and I think I have already done that since n years ago. I AM NOT YOUR MUM, and I will never be one, the one who allows you to step all over her while she stands there, keeping quiet, and following your ‘orders’, cleaning up your shit and mess. She pampers you, I, at the most, dote on you, that is, if you STILL deserve it.

It’s a very simple thing. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Didn’t you learn that as you grow up after 35 years of your life? Even if your parents hadn’t taught you?!!

I seriously, and honestly, from deep down in my heart, pity your mum, who manages to tolerate those short outburst of yours. But at the same time, I do, seriously and honestly too, detest her because she caused you to be like that, and sadly, STILL IS.

It’s like WTF, yes, I may not be the most polite and best temper people of all, but at least I do know how to treat people, especially elderly, with respect. And that applies to friends and families too. But what are you doing with your behaviour this morning?

Just because you couldn’t find a piece of sock in that mess (and it is not really that messy to begin with), you simply push out that stack of clothes onto the floor.

I am angry.

Angry with you for messing up the place and I had to pick up the pieces early in the morning when your kid is late for school. It’s a common sense thing. Is it easier to pick up and find something from a puddle of mess or stacks of mess? Is it more time saving to re-pack and re-fold the clothes then to take out in stacks and search. Brainless.

I am angry.

Angry with you for simply just throwing out like that without thinking who is the one that had been trying to keep it neat. It’s not me, it’s my mum. Of course, what can I even say here. You don’t even bother about your mum, why would you think for MY mum?!!

I am angry.

Angry with you for doing such actions and making me angry and shout at you in front of the kids. And yes, I will shout because I don’t want my kids to be a step-over but neither do I want them to pick up that stupid bloody bad habit of yours. C’mon, can you get a grip?!!!!

Do you really need me to send you to an anger management course?!!

Emptying love, from an angered wife

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Thoughts – Short Changed Rest

It’s no wonder that I felt short changed at times with regards to my marriage and taking care of the children. Why would I feel that if I’ve got ample help from the other half of mine?

It was a nice 3 days holiday away from the work and world. We came back and the lil’ hub went back to our home instead as usual while I went back to my parents. There wasn’t a plan for the next day but I did expect or hope that the lil’ hub would come around to help since my parents would be busy washing and unpacking everything.

So my day started at 7am when little milo woke up and came to my room. Definitely insufficient sleep if you were to ask me. Parents were exhausted and so I had to look after my OWN child on my own while fighting off the sleeping bugs.

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The demanding sister woke up later but as soon as she woke up, she wanted me to accompany her to play the memory game. But it didn’t stop there. It’s time for her antibiotics which I dreaded. Why? For the past few days, I had to spend 30 minutes on average just to feed it to her and ensure that she doesn’t puke it out. It was a test of my patience and it’s wearing out. I’ve still got the requests to watch Youtube again and again, which I had to keep on rejecting. And with little milo learning to walk, his attention for me increases too…

Then I’ve got my mom nagging at the background asking me to unpack my luggage and look after my kids especially the young one, fearing that he will fall down, and asking us not to bring out more toys. But then mom, it’s difficult to do it all together!

Then came the time where I thought I can gather up some energy to continue clearing my to-do’s list to only realise that all had been cancelled out by that cheeky little milkie -.-”’
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By then it was around 3pm. An exhausted me finally received a call from the lil’ hub saying that he just woke up (wtf) and he will prepare and come over soon. Great. It was somewhat reassuring since at most he will reached at 5pm. I supposed 2 hours should be more than enough.

I was wrong.

It’s time for antibiotics again and then little milkie started crying (fake cries) and wanted my nephew to come over to play. When he’s here, my little milo became the outcasted one and I had to keep my eyes on him to make sure those 2 older sister and brother never push him. And then this whole look after the kids thing continued all the way till 6pm AND THE LIL’ HUB WAS STILL NOT HERE.

A call to him to check if he’s having dinner tells me that he decided to play some games before coming over. F. You slept till 3pm and still have the cheek to play some games while your wife is trying to keep herself awake and alive?!!!

Chill. I told myself. Chill.

He finally came around 7-ish and then I FINALLY had the time to bathe. Mom was a little sarcastic to him when he asked why I bathed so late. Of course, who wouldn’t?

And then he suddenly said that we should discuss about the details for J-trip. All I did was to stare at him and said, “You felt guilty for not doing anything, right?”. He laughed and admitted. Yes, that again is my lil’ hub and I can’t fault him for it for I married him in this state. I, again, can only blame it on my own decision.

Seriously, it would all still be barely bearable until late at night around 11pm, while I’m trying to get little milkie to sleep, that brainless lil’ hub of mine had to make a stupid comment to say that he wanted to fill in the forms for the bank loan (which basically is telling me that it involves me and I can’t sleep yet).

Dear lil’ hub. You woke up late today, took breakfast and went back to sleep till 3pm. Had lots of peace, quiet and rest before you decided to pop over. Your wife had the opposite. She woke up at 7am against her will and continued to force herself to be awake (because her freaking mom said that the more she sleeps, the more tired she would be – yah, I know, she’s just another manager). She’s exhausted beyond words and while you start work at 10am, she starts work at 8.30am. Wth were you thinking? Or were you not at all?

Sigh… have I rested? The answer is an obvious “no”.

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Thoughts – SHOUTOUT: GET ME OUT OF HERE! QUICK!

It’s not really that bad. It’s not really that bad. Well, it is bad. Ahh… I can’t wait to go back to my mum’s house. Gosh…

I had, actually intended to find a nice day, probably next week, sit down after my lunch or pump and slowly type out the days of my actually relatively nice and yet irritated confinement. But at this point, I just couldn’t endure anymore and had to shout it out. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

Continue reading “Thoughts – SHOUTOUT: GET ME OUT OF HERE! QUICK!”

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Ramblings #1084

7.01am – Meeting. Meeting. What kind of meeting is this? Why do they need to set it so early?

7.32am – Ah… It’s so funny when little milkie totally didn’t response to my calling when I wake her up. Looks like half an hour DOES make a big difference. I’m glad I made her sleep earlier last night. Or else it could have been worse.

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7.57am – THAT is definitely a look that says “STOP DISTURBING ME”. *LOL* And she was stoning with her mouth opened just a while ago. So funny…

8.16am – Oh my, I can’t believe I’m so early at work. *Yawn*

12.15pm – Yes! Got some good news again! And looks like we can proceed on with our next plan! Join the clan! Anyway, looks like the luck of those born in the year of dog is getting better! *LOL* Meanwhile, let me clear some errands after my lunch first. I’m so freaking hungry after skipping my breakie this morning, I swear I almost fainted.

12.36pm – Gee… of all places, I can only get that size from the branch in Ion. Takes a week to transfer to the branch here? By then, Valentines’ day and Chinese New Year would be over. Hmm… now… I need to think how to get down there to grab that nice shirt for the lil’ hub…

1.18pm – Goodness gracious! My colleague and I just finished our lunch (teppanyaki) like an hour ago, and now we are at Long John’s sharing a set of meal because we are both craving for it! It’s a time to celebrate and get fat!!

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3.54pm – Expensive pineapple tarts surely doesn’t equates tasty ones. Are you craving for some now (suddenly thought of a friend far away…)? *LOL* Gee, I’ve been eating so much, I hope little milo won’t have another burst of weight increase next Saturday!

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Ramblings #1083

9.13am – There it was, on the sofa. I saw it before I left it there, and I did consider twice before I left it there. Still, I left it there, thinking that it wasn’t important. Somehow, it does matter, not to me, but to little milkie. As I saw her wailing, and trying to get back to her grandma’s house to get the rubber band that she had chose so carefully in the morning, I can’t help but feel so incompetent. Have I failed as a mother? To miss out such details when I do actually know her characters. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I just take that rubber band with me? Just a small little rubber band…

And what happened to all of those things that I had planned for her and myself. Where has it gone?

Once again, the feeling of loneliness crept over me, as I fight on my own against all odds. And I find myself getting stuck in the middle, or else getting the blames. All those responsibilities appear to be on me, and me only… Making sure that little milkie sleeps earlier at night. Don’t let little milkie watches too much Youtube. Bring little milkie back to our house and sleep. Don’t give her other food while she’s taking her meals. And blah… and blah… and blah…

Why… do I seem to be… doing this… alone? No, I love little milkie, and I love to know that little milo is joining our family soon. I love these responsibilities but I guess at times, I would love to have some help just by them (a.k.a. the people around us) not going against what I would love to do/achieve. And of course, an understanding lil’ hub. That would really be a great breather. Really great.

It’s only February but yet a lot of plans had been disrupted. OR maybe I had planned it oh so wrongly, never considering the load that I’m carrying at the moment. Setting up an unrealistic goal that’s too high for me to reach. Energy depleting way too fast than I had expected. Such that… everything seems to be in chaos at this moment. And the suddenly arrival of the flu bug caught me off guard and left me procrastinating things for a few more days.

Where am I to go from here now, when that “leave me alone” feeling is coming?

1.32pm – After a heavy yummy lunch and clearing a list of errands, looks like my mood has gone better! All I probably need now is some peace and quiet, if only I could get them, from somewhere. I wonder if it’s alright for me to go into a meeting room and do some work there instead of here in these noise. Hmm…

1.42pm – Okay, never mind. I shall stay here out in the open, with my headphone on. BLAST THE MUSIC!

1.54pm – Little milo, ganbatte with mommy! ^^

2.07pm – Doesn’t look like the luck is with those born in the year of monkey today. Shall try to keep as low profile as possible.

4.55pm – Hmm… yes, avoid getting into other people’s business. I’m trying to but why keep on letting me see things that I probably shouldn’t? Just saw her coming in with her eyes all red after an hour of disappearance to don’t-know-where. Asked her and she told me not to prompt her more for she won’t be able to control the tears. That further confirmed my suspicions on her and that T guy. Especially after she posted on her FB with a picture that says

“Too busy” is a myth. People make time for the things that are really important to them.

~ Mandy Hale

Yes, it’s true. And yes, it’s true. And yes again, you shouldn’t tell me for I’ll repeat the same thing which both you and I know. I just hope you can wake up from your dreams, eventually, before you get hurt too much or something bad really happened.

6.01pm – It truly is important to make sure that the older children are not being neglected when a younger one is born (or going to be). As I took out the box sent by the Great Eastern Insurance for the SG50 and opened it up, I could see the glow from little milkie’s face. She must be wondering, why are all these things for the little brother… only?

And so one by one, piece by piece, she took it out. I knew she wanted some of it but she didn’t ask me directly. All she did is ask, “why is it for baby’s use?”. I mean, of course, it doesn’t really fit her (the mittens and bootees etc. Thus, when she took that bib out, I simply asked her if she wanted that, and if she did, she can take it.

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My over-age SG50 baby

A lot of times, I guess the older child(ren) is being somewhat neglected when the younger one is born. Even if not neglected, the attention is being shared by the younger one. As much as the adults need to adjust, children need that too.

Little milkie, mommy can’t promise that I can give you all the attention that you required, but I will try to, as much as possible, like what I’m doing now. And don’t worry, mommy will always loooooove you! MUAK!!

10.24pm – She’s finally asleep after that half an hour of interesting topic with her. The difference between a gynae, a pediatrician and a dentist. And she’s so amused when I told her that her grandpa dare not visit the dentist for the fear of getting his last few teeth plucked out -.-”’

Nonetheless, it feels really nice to chat with her. I felt like I can almost pass all my knowledge to her as she grew older. And I’m really kind of glad that she’s so curious in everything. Though it gets somewhat tiring at times to need to explain everything and anything. Ah… love this little kid to bits! Let’s hope things will remain the same when little milo is out.

Goodnight!

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Ramblings #1082

9.23am – Back at the office, feeling drowsy. The brain definitely isn’t functioning. Both lunch kakis aren’t available so looks like I’ll have to search for my own later on. Well, that doesn’t really matter except that I only feel like sleeping and walking around with the load nowadays ain’t as easy as few months ago.

11.41am – When man gets petty, then it’s time to totally ignore them. Do you think I have no idea how to play the cold war? Yes, it’s true that I’d never played before. Go on and try. You are totally cut off, you idiot! I’m only that bit away from actually clicking that “Block” button.

3.54pm – Done for the day. I’m done for the day. I have no more energy despite the piles of sh*t. Week 31, another 6 more to go, at the very least. Hang in there…

5.08pm – Half an hour more to go but it’s so unbearable. And the chafing of the inner thighs is so irritating. Looks like I’ll have to wear tights more often. I AM SO SLEEPY! Sigh…

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5.35pm – Nostalgic to see that this still exist. I thought it has gone extinct, like so many others. Gee… I feel so old…

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Ramblings #1064

1.03am – I wonder if it’s a habit or what. Why does the lil’ hub like to wake me up to brush my teeth even though I’m already sleeping away…?

3.57am – It’s almost 4am, and I just finished chatting with the lil’ hub who is sleeping beside me, and who can’t get to sleep because he’s so worried about not being able to find a job, and who commented that I’m so smart because I just pointed out to him that he can actually call his previous HR to see if there’s any suitable job for him. -.-”’ Gee… If only he had listen to me earlier on, too… *LOL* But well, at least he learned something through the hard way, so it’s still not toooooo bad. Ganbatte, Bebe! *MUAK*

7.09am – Ironically, I feel so happy to see your words again. Though the jealousy or envious is there, I love to know what’s happening too. I’m attracted to your words, I would say. It serves as a reminder for me, it serves as a challenge to me, it serves as a target for me to reach. Good morning, anonymous.

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7.46am – Did you see that red patch on my arm? I’ve been getting that everytime I’m preggy. And it’s so itchy…

9.05am – So much for planning the time slot. When you know that the meeting will always get extended, then why, go and choose a date where I have a meeting starting at 3pm, and that I have to present after your meeting ended? Sigh… now I understand why our boss had been so unhappy at times…

9.50am – She is talking to her husband again. Wrong, it’s shouting. Why can’t couples talk nicely to each other? Regardless of how long they are married…

9.53am – Oh no. Argue already. The “You don’t talk like that to me.” sentence is out! And then silence… Gee… did someone hang the phone up? Erm… I think one of them did. O.O”’

10.33am – Why does everyone seems so hungry today? And what’s the point of telling me?

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