Thoughts – Engorgement

Day 4

2.21am – I lied on my bed, the tears flowed down uncontrollably. The transition and changes in my body is taking a toll on me.

From being a pregnant lady for 40+ weeks, to going through the pain for almost 12 hours and seeing the birth of my daughter. And then missing of my daughter when she’s not around especially now that she needs to be under the ultraviolet light intensively, and the heartaches that I went through seeing her not feeling that well and worrying if she’s alright or feeding enough. Then the pain felt during breastfeeding. What’s worse, it’s engorge now. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I’m drained.

Sleep wasn’t sufficient. Panic attacks occurred at every cry though now we are getting better. Am having too muck milk too quickly and that’s causing the breasts to be really painful. And the list goes on…

I kept telling myself to endure for the sake of little milkie but I am really drained. Imagine expressing the milk out at one moment, and the next moment (like 5-10 minutes later), it got all bloated up and filled again.

I just went through a torturous hand express on both my breasts. I doubt I have ever cried so much before because of pain, other than the fall that I had in secondary school which resulted a deep cut on my leg. But that, in a way, is nothing compared to this… the pain is simply indescribable…

10.16am – Yes! Little milkie can be discharged today! It’s such a relief and I’m so happy!! Going back home should be better!

(Random)

Engorgement, an extremely scary thing if not taken care of. I didn’t really know much about that before I gave birth to the baby… Blamed myself for not reading enough. Anyway, by the time I realised that something is wrong, because the breast felt WAY TOO full, and worse, hard, it’s a bit too late. Hard. Yes, I really mean HARD. It’s as hard and solid as a bean bag fully packed, with no space at all. And when I lied down on the bed, I could swear I can feel the weight on my body, and that causes some difficulties in breathing. Pitied those ladies who had big breasts, I guess that really makes me appreciates my own cup size. And every touch to the breasts will send a unanimous signal to my brain – PAIN. That’s how I ended up crying as if I never did before because the lady was simply pressing it down. Yes, try pressing down on that fully-packed bean bag…

So did the episode end after she hand expressed out some of the milk? NO. Because right after that, 15 minutes later, the milk came in again, and that’s where they put cold cabbages on me. Ah… it’s supposed to help to soothe the pain. But REMEMBER! DO NOT put it for more than 1.5 hours, or preferably even lesser because cold cabbages will actually decrease the milk supply if put too long!

Sigh… a dilemma… too much isn’t a good thing. Too little isn’t that good either.

Best solution? Nurse the baby, again and again, and again. It’s going to be slightly more difficult because the aerola will be big and hard, which makes it more difficult for the baby to latch. But you don’t have a choice, or at least, at that point, I don’t have. I can only try and make it easier with the help of a nipple shield (which did help). But with a jaundice baby, who are more sleepy… that’s just simply added challenge for me.

FYI: You’ll need to wake a sleepy baby up for feed. Otherwise, he/she is just going to latch and sleep.

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