Thoughts – Never Good Enough

Have you ever felt like, no matter what you do, or how much effort you put in, you are never good enough for your partner… You don’t feel appreciated. You get reprimanded for being thoughtless. You are being said for being wilful and getting angry so easily, or complaining about small little things…

I do.

And after more than 5 years of being with him, I’m still being said to be not considerate and not caring for him, and angry with him over not staying over especially when he’s so stress at work now. Ouch. Does he really know me…?

Everything was going well last night. We were chatting and I was telling my mum that the lil’ hub should try staying overnight on a working day so that he can experience how tiring it is to go to work after that. Then shortly after, he said that he wants to go back and just headed straight to the door. I wasn’t please. I was doing my craft (to relax) and he didn’t even give me a goodbye kiss. And so when I reached the door, my face wasn’t happy. For some reasons, he probably thought that I was angry with him for not staying and he said that I’m so bad as a wife. Got angry because he never stay over. Never think for him.

What’s my reaction? First, speechless. Second, anger. Yes, now I’m angry. The worst thing is, after that he said that two words, slightly in a jokingly manner – divorce la (in mandarin).

Gosh. How can one joke about that? No matter how much that idea did cross my mind, I wouldn’t have said those words. It probably might have the same meaning but not those words. Ouch again.

So did I do anything wrong?

He’s stress. But am I any better? I’m so lack of sleep everyday, and still have to go to work. Work is piling up with deadlines but I can’t focus. How? Am I not stress on that? I’ve been having very bad headaches for the past 2 days but did I complain to him? NO! Because I know he’s busy and I don’t want him to worry (provided he really worries). Do I want him to stay over? Yes, I love to but would I be angry just because he doesn’t? Hello!?!! Do you know me at all?????? I have a house which I can’t go back and probably don’t feel like going back. Did I say it out as much anymore? NO! Why? Because I don’t really want you to get stuck and thus had been tolerating for so long until recently, where I’m still trying. And what else, I’m separated from my husband for over 2 months just so I can take care of our baby. But I doubt he minds being separated from his inconsiderate wife.

Ouch.

Joey once told me to ask myself “Why does he wants to marry you?” in order for my marriage to work. Told me to give lots of TLC. Did I not do that? Or is it just that I’m STILL not doing enough…? Or probably… I’m just, and never will be good enough for him…

Please follow and like us:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *