My cousin and his parents came to me a few hours ago. It’s time for him to choose his secondary school. How nice, I thought, would be so good if he can have the luxury to choose the school he wants, with some good advice. I never have that as a teen, my mum gave me no other choice, other than the one that my sister was in, and the reason was – it’s the nearest. Luckily, it turns out that during that period, a really good principal came on board, and brought the school to a total new level. But how many schools actually have that honour, and how many people have that chance?
And so, with my best of knowledge, I slowly explained both the pros and cons to him and his mum. I needed him to start thinking what he actually wants, as of this point, after knowing the good and the bad. He’s already 12, not really that young anymore and ought to start thinking about his future. He’s good, he listened, and I know he’s thinking. A tad lazy, but still, he can be taught.
But yet, the mum, who had been sitting beside, continued with her nagging. About how lazy and disrespectful he is etc. etc. Hey man, give that kid a break. He’s 12 years old and had been listening to your naggings and complaints, and arguments with your husband for the past 12 years. If I’m him, I would probably just stop talking to you altogether. And he will, soon, if you still never stop.
And aunt, preaching to you is like preaching to a cow. You hear but you don’t listen. You ONLY assume you are the one in the worst state and expect everyone to empathize with you, and you expect people to be the one giving in first.
From young, I have always had this theory from nowhere. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. It BEGINS with YOU. Why wait for others? You said that you DID try. Are you sure? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 week? Because you’ve lost your voice? See. Some changes don’t happen immediately, especially when it comes to relationship and that damage had been done. If you kept on insisting that others are in the wrong and you are of no fault, I’m telling you. That’s it.
This, is a real case of wrong parenting. It’s not called teaching. It’s called nagging. And nagging hardly gives good results. Teach and guide them with you heart. Most of the children can be taught. Studies are important, but guidance on life, is equally important. But if your child can’t excel academically, as a parent, you need to guide them to a different path and not continuing to force them. Frequent arguing is a no-no, nor is total freedom for a child. There’s a lot of theories, and as adults, lots know it too. But are we all practising them? Some are not because we are too lost in our own work. And that’s what is happening to the society nowadays… sadly…
I can continue to preach for the whole night but I shan’t do that and will stop here. Just remember, this is your life, walk your own path and don’t regret.
If you don’t study, you ain’t going to have so many chance to re-do it. If you ain’t going to stop nagging, you ain’t going to have your son back.