When Am I Going To…?

I see my friends slowly getting married… one by one… and now… having kids… Me? I don’t know… Why? Is it that difficult for me to get married? I had wanted to get married before I’m 30. And now… I’m… 29… Sigh… What can I say?

A lot of people kept asking me when I’m getting married. I will always reply to them jokingly, with some rubbish answer. Telling them that I don’t really want to get married yet. But the fact is… actually I DO feel like getting married already. I really do. Just that, I need the guy to be ready.

What’s the worse thing? I HAVE a boyfriend… who is not ready… yet. And I don’t really want to pressure him into getting married. But how long am I going to wait?… How long can I wait?…

Till now, I don’t wish to mention getting married… I don’t even get any proposal yet… NOT even the intention…

This is what I’m feeling… This whole relationship doesn’t seem secure to me. It felt like… at any point, it will just go *POM*. He’s not afraid of losing me. He doesn’t really want or need me very much. I’m just a person restricting him from the freedom he wants to have. And he’s always comtemplating between having a relationship and not.

It feels sad, you know? I am sad… But I can’t say…

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